What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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