Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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