Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am available for nakedness
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
