ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
