i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
