I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
