he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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