Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
