Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
