Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
