i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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