now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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