I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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