Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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