There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
