Moan for me like Helen Keller
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
