I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
