We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm at about main and main street
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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