why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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