You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
