My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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