We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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