I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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