Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
