Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
