I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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