i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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