Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
