hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
