Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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