dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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