I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
