I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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