If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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