in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
