quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
