Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
