Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
