if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
