It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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