Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
