was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Randomize
