Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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