Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
