I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
