i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize