just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So vagazzling was a success
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
