You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
