He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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