If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
