Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
