YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
