Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
