I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
