FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
