Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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