After last night, I could never be a politician.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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