I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish you could order shots online.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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