Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize