i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
