Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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