Someone shit on the floor
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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