DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
