You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
