I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
