i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
