Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We talked him into tasing himself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
