Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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