After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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