I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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