Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm jealous of your bromance
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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