i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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