you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
