Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't deserve a penis
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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