She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
