She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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