when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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