Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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